As I am attempting to unwind from the day by having a beer and watching the Texas Rangers kick some Chicago White Sox ass, it occurred to me that ED is much like baseball…..Please, allow me to elaborate……
The line up is as follows:
Batter: (Patient) The batter steps up to plate first…..Only the batter knows what his plan of attack is….Who knows? It could be anything……the ED is currently at his disposal….In comes the Pitcher.
Pitcher: (Triage Nurse) It is now up to the Pitcher to decide what kind of ball to throw (acuity to assign). One must ask themselves, “Where do I want to send this Batter (Patient)?”…..One must be accurate in this assignment….After all, the better the Pitcher does, the more efficient he/she is….the longer they stay in the game……
Catcher: (Charge Nurse) Once the ball is in the air, the Catcher is the one in charge….They direct the flow….They now call the shots…..Don’t piss off your catcher….They can also call the pitches if needed.
1st, 2nd and 3rd Basemen: (These are your top three RN’s receiving patients “batters”) These are all different sections of the ED. Each of its own importance. Each assigned its own patient at any given time, depending of course, on the Pitcher and the smarts of the Hitter. Anything can happen here…..One must keep their guard up…..A lot can happen if you aren’t paying attention…..It can be quite the game changer!
Shortstop: (The Seasoned Nurse) This is a very important position in the ED. This is the nurse that has “been there, done that”…..The one that knows EVERYTHING that is going on in your game at ANY given time. The one you turn to bail your ass out of a shit storm…..The one that will curse you, but still have your back. They are the one with the “Mad Skills”, the ones that will sit by silently and give you just enough rope to hang yourself before they pull you from your own oblivion and teach you a lesson you will never forget……
Outfielder: (Case Manager/Discharge Planner) These are the nurses that can see a Pop Fly a mile away…..The ones that are standing there, patiently waiting……watching from a distance…. awaiting the arrival of the coveted ball to land in their glove so they can send that hitter packing……They are often underestimated, and at times, deemed unnecessary……That is, until the outfielder isn’t there waiting to catch the B.S that often comes out of Left Field….or the occasional Hitter that wanders out to Right Field unexpectedly and gets met with ball in hand and a smile…..
Manager: ED Physician They are not “hands on”…..They aren’t directly playing this game, but they are absolutely essential to it…..They are standing on the sidelines calling the shots. Years of experience and the school of hard knocks has allotting them this position of prestige…..They have been gifted with some fine “perks”, but not necessarily power…. Although they do have the authority to move players in and out of the game. Ultimately, the responsibility of this outcome will fall on their shoulders. They are respected and sought after. Everyone wants to speak with the “Manager”.
Bat Boy: ED Technician This position is not always respected as it should be, but without it, the players would stumble over their own bats and would never find the necessary equipment to play this game efficiently. This position often consists of being sent in to clean up other people’s crap…..literally. No joke.
Base Coach: Patient Advocate This position was solely created to direct the Hitter….To be the adversary….The eyes and ears of the runner(hitter)…..
Umpire: ED Director The buck stops here…..Don’t screw with the Ump!!!!
Designated Hitter: ED Frequent Flyer This person has NO OTHER PURPOSE in life than to show up and make the players MISERABLE. They are smart and concise …They know how to play this game and they play it better than anyone else can….
Fans: The Family/Friends These are the people standing around telling you how to do your job. Criticizing your every move……threatening you when things don’t go the way they feel it should (despite their lack of training and hard work regarding the game) and loving you when you score a home run for their team. Despite all your effort, it will NEVER be enough!!!!!
Top of the 9th, 2 outs, 1 runner on base……Rangers up 10 to 6….